Fighting Sioux Coaches' Show

[PCM]

All I can say is that it's going to look really bad when AD forecheck is subpoenaed to testify in lawsuits stemming from the Canisius debacle.

[Blackheart]

I hope you're not serious.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What do you mean...?

[Diggler]

Pop? Jerky? My how things have changed over the twenty five years since I smuggled 'contraband' into the WSA.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's almost not worth it anymore to try to sneak in a flask or something. While 25 years ago, they would've taken it from you and kicked you out of the game, now they'll take it, arrest you, kick you out of the game and invalidate your ID.

That's another thing I'll do when I'm made AD. I'll hand out flasks to the students when they come to games. No flask, no getting into the game.

[forecheck]

Hot off the presses!

Diggler arrested for Breaching Restraining Order!

2/11/05

GRAND FORKS, ND - In a not so suprising event, Diggler, once considered the favorite candidate for AD of the Fighting Sioux, was arrested for breaching a restraining order set forth by Sioux hockey player Andy Schneider. Diggler, who was to stay 250' away from Schneider at all times, was allegedly seen on multiple occasions parked outside of Schneider's place of residence in an unmarked white van. When reached for comment, Schneider stated, "Man it was freaky. I mean, I knew I had that kind of sexual power over the ladies, because let's face it, the ladies dig the Schneidster. But Diggler? It gives me the heebie geebies!" The Grand Forks Police Department issued a search warrant for Diggler's residence and uncovered a disturbing scene. A shrine was built in honor of the senior captain, consisting of 6 eternal flame candles (to correspond with the number on the player's jersey), thousands of pictures (many of which were obviously taken from a personal camera when the subject was unsuspecting), a smelly, used jockstrap, splinters of a broken hockey stick, and possibly the most disturbing of all, a ziploc baggy containing the hairs of Schneider's shaven trucker's mustache. When given a chance to comment, Diggler could only repeatedly mumble, "No one was supposed to see that." As expected, Fighting Sioux head hockey coach Dave Hakstol, upon hearing of the matter, swung full support back to hometown favorite, forecheck. "I think it's obvious that Diggler does not possess the kind of character that we like to see representing our storied program. Forecheck will be named athletic director immediately, and her first task as AD will be to ensure the safety of all athletes from possible stalkers. We do not want a repeat incident," stated Hakstol. A court date was set for March 15th to settle the matter.

[siouxtatoo42]

Hot off the presses!

Diggler arrested for Breaching Restraining Order!

2/11/05

GRAND FORKS, ND - In a not so suprising event, Diggler, once considered the favorite candidate for AD of the Fighting Sioux, was arrested for breaching a restraining order set forth by Sioux hockey player Andy Schneider.  Diggler, who was to stay 250' away from Schneider at all times, was allegedly seen on multiple occasions parked outside of Schneider's place of residence in an unmarked white van.  When reached for comment, Schneider stated, "Man it was freaky.  I mean, I knew I had that kind of sexual power over the ladies, because let's face it, the ladies dig the Schneidster.  But Diggler?  It gives me the heebie geebies!"  The Grand Forks Police Department issued a search warrant for Diggler's residence and uncovered a disturbing scene.  A shrine was built in honor of the senior captain, consisting of 6 eternal flame candles (to correspond with the number on the player's jersey), thousands of pictures (many of which were obviously taken from a personal camera when the subject was unsuspecting), a smelly, used jockstrap, splinters of a broken hockey stick, and possibly the most disturbing of all, a ziploc baggy containing the hairs of Schneider's shaven trucker's mustache.  When given a chance to comment, Diggler could only repeatedly mumble, "No one was supposed to see that."  As expected, Fighting Sioux head hockey coach Dave Hakstol, upon hearing of the matter, swung full support back to hometown favorite, forecheck.  "I think it's obvious that Diggler does not possess the kind of character that we like to see representing our storied program.  Forecheck will be named athletic director immediately, and her first task as AD will be to ensure the safety of all athletes from possible stalkers.  We do not want a repeat incident," stated Hakstol.  A court date was set for March 15th to settle the matter.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

editors note: some of the answers to the questions asked of Coach Hakstol on the A.D. campaign for both Forecheck and Diggler not printed in original story.

GFH: With all of this information about Diggler now being out in the open, what do you tell a candidate like forecheck, seemingly out of the race just a mere 24 hours ago?

DH: You've got to keep working hard and you'll get your breaks.

GFH: What do you tell a guy like diggler, especially following this incident?

DH: You've got to keep working hard and campaign through that.

GFH: In closing, do you have anything else the public should know about forecheck and diggler as they pine for the coveted A.D. job?

DH: They're both hard workers and good candidates.

[PCM]

Looks like the gloves are off. It's only a matter of time before Diggler releases the photos of forecheck's involvement in the Canisius scandal. How'd we end up with two leading AD candidates who are both stalkers?

[iramurphy]

It's almost not worth it anymore to try to sneak in a flask or something. While 25 years ago, they would've taken it from you and kicked you out of the game, now they'll take it, arrest you, kick you out of the game and invalidate your ID.

That's another thing I'll do when I'm made AD. I'll hand out flasks to the students when they come to games. No flask, no getting into the game.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In the mid 70s if you weren't a jerk, the campus cops would let you sit up in the old Englestad and drink beer as long as you didn't leave a mess and as long as you didn't cause them any trouble. You also had to be discreet but most of us didn't know what that meant. You could cheer and yell insults as long as you didn't swear more than hell, damn, bull$%!# etc. and you had to use a bit of your brainpower so we had to come more innovative cheers than those such as "who's he? He sucks s&!t". We were still able to incite Michigan to attack the crowd once at the old barn and could usually get the attention of the refs and the Minn rodents and their coaches. Bruce Tellman (the ton of gamblers), who owned the Red Pepper, usually could distract the opposition by himself from behind their bench. We didn't worry about arena personel bothering us because we would have tossed them out onto the ice. When Clifford was president UND didn't waste money on the Pol Correct Police but we were smart enough not to cross the line. (most of the time). The AD then was Carl Miller and he was too short to see what was going on on the ice much less in the stands.

[Goon]

Hot off the presses!

Diggler arrested for Breaching Restraining Order!

.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We we use the name Diggler, thats not Dirk Diggler is it? He,he,he,he...

[brianvf]

We we use the name Diggler, thats not Dirk Diggler is it? He,he,he,he...

Now that's funny!

[Smoggy]

Looks like the gloves are off. It's only a matter of time before Diggler releases the photos of forecheck's involvement in the Canisius scandal. How'd we end up with two leading AD candidates who are both stalkers?   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can't figure out why forecheck just doesn't apply for the AD job at Canisius.

[Diggler]

I am appalled at this blatant attempt of character assasination perpetrated by my opponent. I simply speak the truth and my opponent choses to make up lies, fabrications and general tomfoolery in response. I'd say I'm dissappointed, but I'd be lying. I knew this would happen when I made my application public. This is just what happens when there is such a mismatch in qualifications. I accept this and move on. forecheck knows that she will not be given this job as she is clearly not qualifed to hand out putters at a mini-golf course, much less be the head of a large and growing University.

Notice how instead of addressing the concerns raised by many, forecheck creates a false press release in a feable attempt to deflect criticism. I do not need to find the press release about how she was involved in the Canisius debacle, as she has all but admitted it publicly. Lets not even bring up how forecheck thought she was too big for her volunteer job at the WJC. Yelling and screaming in the press box, "losing" tournament-issued apparel, not being at her post on numerous occasions, etc. And then of course there is the NIck Fuhrer/Hunk of meat incident of two years ago. forecheck is her own worst enemy. Would you want a person who lacks as many morals as she does to be leading young men and women? I think not.

p.s. How forecheck can be the hometown hero when she is not from anyone's hometown, no one knows. Blue Jays are retarded.

[kr]

Diggler, Forecheck -- please quit the smear campaign -- I think I can speak for everyone on this board -- just issues please!!!

Please address the following questions:

1) will you do all in your power to block the formation of a Big Ten Hockey Conference?

2) when they develop a NCAA Hockey video game(s) will the Sioux uniforms be the current design, or will you push for the generic profile of the 1990's?

3) will you retain PCM as THE official sudo reporter or replace him?

[Goon]

Now that's funny!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A while back there was a movie on HBO, I think the name of the movie was Boogie nights, or something like that, it was about a Porn Star named Dirk Diggler, and his rise to fame in the Adult Video industry. It was an interesting movie.

[Diggler]

Diggler, Forecheck -- please quit the smear campaign -- I think I can speak for everyone on this board -- just issues please!!!

Please address the following questions:

1)  will you do all in your power to block the formation of a Big Ten Hockey Conference?

2)  when they develop a NCAA Hockey video game(s) will the Sioux uniforms be the current design, or will you push for the generic profile of the 1990's?

3)  will you retain PCM as THE official sudo reporter or replace him?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

1. I am currently working with Joel Maturi and Barry Alvarez to make sure this never happens. I have been assured that when I am made AD, there will be no Big Ten hockey conference. I've also been told that should forecheck be made AD, both Wisconsin and Minnesota will leave the WCHA, even if there is no Big Ten Hockey Conference.

2. I will go above and beyond that. I will have every uniform the Sioux have ever worn included in the game because UND fans deserve it.

3. Of course. Not only that, he'll also be paid for his hard work and he'll be given first opportunity to interview whomever he wants. Above Hennesy and Mr. UND Hockey himself, Virg Foss.

I have already said all I need is Schneider's road jersey from last year, forecheck has made no such statement. Do you want to have to pay her some astronomical sum just so she can pay her rent? I think not.

Diggler for AD

p.s. Exactly Goon. It was a good movie and I'd be a great AD. Mark Wahlberg said I rule.

[The Sicatoka]

I can't figure out why forecheck just doesn't apply for the AD job at Canisius.

[siouxtatoo42]

And has anyone told Diggler that a male AD does not get to go into the womens hockey or volleyball locker rooms without knocking first?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

HEY!!!! how dare you shatter my dreams of what MY new AD can and cannot do. Motion to put that rule on the table. AD, male or female, does not have to knock to gain access into any athletic facility or it's subsequent rooms.

anyone second the motion?

[Blackheart]

In the mid 70s if you weren't a jerk, the campus cops would let you sit up in the old Englestad and drink beer as long as you didn't leave a mess and as long as you didn't cause them any trouble. You also had to be discreet but most of us didn't know what that meant. You could cheer and yell insults as long as you didn't swear more than hell, damn, bull$%!# etc. and you had to use a bit of your brainpower so we had to come more innovative cheers than those such as "who's he? He sucks s&!t". We were still able to incite Michigan to attack the crowd once at the old barn and could usually get the attention of the refs and the Minn rodents and their coaches. Bruce Tellman (the ton of gamblers), who owned the Red Pepper, usually could distract the opposition by himself from behind their bench. We didn't worry about arena personel bothering us because we would have tossed them out onto the ice. When Clifford was president UND didn't waste money on the Pol Correct Police but we were smart enough not to cross the line. (most of the time). The AD then was Carl Miller and he was too short to see what was going on on the ice much less in the stands.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Tell us more Obi-wan...this is good sh*t....

May the Farce be with you...

[bigmrg74]

HEY!!!! how dare you shatter my dreams of what MY new AD can and cannot do. Motion to put that rule on the table. AD, male or female, does not have to knock to gain access into any athletic facility or it's subsequent rooms.

anyone second the motion?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thats a Porno waiting to happen there.

[forecheck]

Can you say "conflict of interest"? Heaven knows how she'd "discipline" poor Mr. Durno. 

And has anyone told Diggler that a male AD does not get to go into the womens hockey or volleyball locker rooms without knocking first?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A. As previously mentioned, I have been working with the Wookie to instill some morals into the young man, so no "discipline" necessary.

B. Didn't anyone read the press release?!?! Diggler doesn't want access to the women's room! He's been eyeing Andy Schneider's locker for 4 years now!

C. I can't be considered a stalker when the Wookie willingly (key word here) hung out with me. No restraining orders needed.

D. I think the public would want an AD who is willing to mix it up in the press box and cheer on the home team, who is willing to go out there and network with other hockey teams and find out their game plan, who shows passion (not a creepy crush) for the Sioux players and the game they play. The "hunk of meat" statement was an isolated incident that was shouted during the heat of the moment. Most people could probably relate to that.

E. I don't need to assume a porn star's name to, ehem, compensate for areas where I am lacking.

F. Diggler, a blue jay could kick your scrawny little, cape wearing ass anyday!

G. And finally, to answer the real issues as kr laid them out:

1. forecheck = a woman = has breasts = has power = no Big Ten Hockey Conference. Case closed.

2. Not only will I make every jersey design available to suit everyone's individual needs for the video game, I will also incorporate secret codes that can be found in the next Nintendo Power (do they still make that??) that allow you to relive some of your favorite Sioux moments all over again. Water Bottle Incident, Commodore pounding the living crap out of a Wisconsin player, Gionta crying, pretty much any game against Hauser, you name it.

3. Not only will I retain PCM as the official sudo reporter, I will also issue him a company vehicle so that he does not have to bum rides home from the Final Five from poor college girls whose car can't even make it 2 miles without breaking down. He deserves only the finest!

Finally, while Diggler tries to sway you with the thoughts of only paying him in a game worn hockey jersey, I think we all know that no real work will ever get done once he gets his grubby little hands on that jersey and is allowed to sleep in it at night. It will be too distracting for this poor, misguided soul who is taking a 1-credit physical education class at UND to retain his student status while letting his Bachelor's degree go to waste. I, on the other hand, could double as the AD and the team's Occupational Therapist. I am multi-talented, with the skills needed to keep the team in top physical condition come tournament time.

[Diggler]

who is taking a 1-credit physical education class at UND to retain his student status while letting his Bachelor's degree

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Forecheck brings up a good point here,

POSITION: Athletic Director, #05-183

The successful candidate must possess a Bachelor

[forecheck]

Diggler has a Bachelor's degree, forecheck does not.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ah, but come May I'll have a Master's degree, and since Roger is finishing out the season, I think we're ok there.

[The Sicatoka]

Actually, RT's last day is Friday. There's a reception for him at J. Lloyd Stone House (Alumni Center) on Wednesday from 2 to 5 pm.

They hope to have the new AD in play before the end of the semester (in April).

To the "candidates":

What is your opinion of merging the UND AD position with the General Manager position of REA (and having the day-to-day operations manager of REA become the Assistant AD for Facilities)?

[PCM]

3.  Not only will I retain PCM as the official sudo reporter, I will also issue him a company vehicle so that he does not have to bum rides home from the Final Five from poor college girls whose car can't even make it 2 miles without breaking down.  He deserves only the finest!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

For a minute there, that seemed like a good idea. But then I thought about it some more. If I didn't have to bum rides, my sudo-reporter status might be threatened.

So here's what I'm thinking. You buy the nice car that you were going buy me and then I'll bum rides with you to the games. Nothing says "sudo-reporter" like hitching rides to Sioux hockey games with the UND AD.

[forecheck]

For a minute there, that seemed like a good idea. But then I thought about it some more. If I didn't have to bum rides, my sudo-reporter status might be threatened.

So here's what I'm thinking. You buy the nice car that you were going buy me and then I'll bum rides with you to the games. Nothing says "sudo-reporter" like hitching rides to Sioux hockey games with the UND AD.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey, you don't have to convince me! I'm in!

The Sicatoka, if I get to be AD and general manager of REA, the world would be a better place. The troops would come back from Iraq, global warming would reverse, and the Sioux would score more than 2 goals per game.