Diggler, I can certainly understand why you and others are so unhappy. I have my own list of grievances.
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This season, I've had my laptop computer case searched for all three games by the same cop. I probably had it searched three times all of last season. How many times does that same guy have to search me before he figures out that I'm not a UND student? This invasion of my privacy slows me down a good 15 or 20 seconds. The REA security crew obviously has it in for me.
The elevator in which the media jackals must ride is also shared by the caterers and morons who can't read the "MEDIA ONLY" signs, which always makes the elevator very slow. Doesn't the REA staff know how important we are? This is a terrible design flaw in the Ralph. We should have our own separate, non-stop, turbo-charged express elevator in recognition of our importance to college hockey. Without us, nobody would know the sport exists.
The free pop and bottled water in the cooler wasn't very cold Friday night. I'm sure that's because Ralph never liked the media. It's either that or Jake Brandt is still punishing us for covering the Roseau pull tab scandal.
The chairs we sit on in the press box are cheap and uncomfortable. Ralph was so rich that there's no reason we shouldn't each have our own heated leather executive office chair. But Ralph, being a Nazi sympathizer and all, hated us media types. So that explains why we must suffer with substandard seating while everyone else gets padded leather chairs.
The TVs in the press box shut off by themselves at the worst possible times. I was told that they have automatic two-hour timers in them that can't be changed, but I'm sure that it's really Ralph's ghost exacting revenge on us media jackals. Or it could be that the people who work at the Ralph are idiots because they can't figure out how to operate a simple TV. Perhaps if I went out of my way to publicly ridicule them more often, they'd see the wisdom of solving a problem that perturbs me so.
For the past few seasons, the media credentials have been a horrid purplish-pink pastel color. I'm sure this is the REA's subtle way of telling the public that all of us media jackals are commie pinkos at heart. (We are, of course, but why can't we have nice crimson press passes instead that match our red parking passes? Hello? Color coordination anyone?)
The press box itself is too small and there are too few bathrooms. Once again, I'm certain this is all part of the REA's plan to persecute the media on Ralph's behalf. Everyone knows that there's a secret provision in Ralph's will that if the media is not made to suffer, the arena will be imploded using charges built into the support structures during construction.
Some of you might think I'm paranoid or that I'm making stuff up. But just look at what happened to Scott Hennen when he moved to Fargo and started saying nice things about NDSU on the radio. He was ousted from the PA announcer job, replaced by a Thief River Falls native and is now a shadow of his former self. That shows how dangerous it is to buck the status quo at the REA.
I could go on and on listing examples of how members of the media are singled out and treated like second-class citizens at the hands of REA staff, but I think I've said too much already.
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