April Fool's

[Stack]

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Vanek to be Defensive Specialist for Amerks

AP Rochester, NY

4/1/05

Head Coach Randy Cunneyworth of the Rochester Americans stated that rookie Thomas Vanek will be designated their defensive specialist in the first round of the playoffs. Cunneyworth stated that even though Vanek is the second leading rookie goal scorer, " Where Thomas has really stuck out this year is in his physical and defensive presence. He has contantly been the main forward who is willing to get into the corners and dig the puck out for his teammates. This has allowed other forwards to constantly circle around the net or at the blue line, waiting for Vanek to pass them the puck." In addition to Vanek's grittiness he is the teams's leading face-off man and is now paired up agaisnt the opposing team's best forward. Even with Vanek's tenacity he is seldom in the penalty box and has not been called for a single slashing penalty all season.

Coach Cunneyworth states "Thomas is invaluable as a defensive forward for us and we're ok without his scoring in the playoffs. We need him to shutdown the other team's best players. If he can continue to do this we will win."

Vanek was unavailable for comment.

[Fedorov]

It must be the orange lines. He is probably lost on the defensive end of the ice.

[NDFAN]

[farce poobah]

Hartford, CT

ESPN reports that its changing its name to Eastern Sports Programming Network. "Its what we've been all along, and most of us have a hard time understanding anyone west of Syracuse".

In a related note, the network decide to just leave their airwaves blank during college hockey's Frozen Four, "since all those states are just blank rectanges anyway".

[#1Hakfan]

For the first time in schools history the university of Minnesota won the Final 5 in Madison wisconsin, the west regioal in ann arbor michigan and the frozen four in Boston, it won all these tourneys without home ice. what road warriors.

[bigmrg74]

GVSU announces plans to field a D1 hockey team.

Allendale, MI

GVSU is known for fielding some of the most competitive teams overall in Division 2 NCAA. Today however they have announced plans to start stepping up into the world of Division 1. "Given that we're so successful at everything we do in sports, we thought why not try our hand at hockey?" Said Tim Selgo. Selgo meet with NCAA hockey officials last week when they were in town for the NCAA Midwest hockey regionals. Quoted after watching the games Selgo said, "Hell, I bet we could have half the football team strap skates on right now and go out and whip these bums!"

GVSU is now looking into building an on campus arena that could host about 5,000 people. "We're thinking of making close quarters for anybody that comes here to play us. They're going to feel every Laker Lunatic out their breathing down their neck. I really shouldn't say this to a reporter, but some of them really are crazy. I sure don't want my daughter bringing one of those nutjobs home. There

[Fedorov]

GVSU is known for fielding some of the most competitive teams overall in Division 2 NCAA.  Today however they have announced plans to start stepping up into the world of Division 1.  "Given that we're so successful at everything we do in sports, we thought why not try our hand at hockey?" 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That is a very good one. It looks similar to this post from the Fargo Forum.

NDSU is known for fielding some of the most uncompetitive teams overall in Division 2 NCAA. Today however they have announced plans to start stepping up into the world of Division 1. "Given that we're so unsuccessful at everything we do in sports, we thought why not try our hand at hockey?"

[bigmrg74]