iSpider

I thought your OC called a pretty good game, especially the flea-flicker. As to the reverse or end-around, no one knows what he or others in the press box saw on the field that led him to make that call (If indeed it was his call. Does your QB have authority to audible? Does the HC ever override the OC or make the call? IMO, without that knowledge, he shouldn't be second-guessed. If you recall, UR lost 6 yards on the first play of the game on the same type of play. Most all year we had thrown a long pass on 1st down to try to stretch the field. It was the wrong call that we made, but I understand the logic. Things don't always go as planned, even when called by experts who are making such decisions. As to the blocked punt, I am certain that the UR coaches saw an opening in your punt protection that made them go for the block, either in prior punt protection in this game or in the film they reviewed. We have not attempted to block a punt all season regardless of where the score and time stood. If there is an opening in punt protection, though it is probably discernible by the typical fan, it is probably something simple that can be easily fixed. Incidentally, while I am obviously glad that we won, I feel for your loss. I know it must be disappointing to you, especially in view of your lead in the third quarter. That said, as I posted in another thread on this board, I was very impressed with the class, talent and energy of your team and your program. The game could have gone either way. After your first drive for a TD in the third quarterI was ready to throw the TV out the window. You have a very bright future and you have many playoff victories ahead of you far more significant this one loss. I doubt that it will be long before you are competitive with NDSU who, like it or not, has been the class of FCS for the last five years. Good luck to you guys. You have the talent, coaching, and class to go far.

I was impressed with your team yesterday despite the loss. We were very fortunate to beat you in a game that could very easily have had a different result. You are a very good team, but you should be even better next year and in the years following. I am impressed by your running backs and your overall team speed, especially with respect to your defensive linemen and safeties. You have two great running backs and your quarterback will mature and become more consistent with his passing which hurt you a bit in some critical situations. Greater depth is very important and that will improve as well. This is Rocco's 5th year at UR and it is the first year in which he has been able to develop the quality depth needed to compete with the loss of many starters. But depth is more important than most people can imagine in that it not only allows you to adequately replace lost starters but to maintain a high energy level and avoid fatigue during the game. Your defense is excellent against the run, but it appeared to me that they wore out in the 4th quarter. Depth in that area with more game time substitution will fix that for sure. I see you soon becoming competitive with NDSU who, like it or lot, has been the best team in FCS for the last five years. Your coaches and players showed a lot of class both on the field and also in their post-game interviews. Both teams showed mutual respect during the game and played with a lot of emotion, two talented teams with a lot of class and character. Your players believe in your coach who seems to be a man of quality and as well as coaching knowledge and talent. I understand your disappointment with the loss, but in your future there will be several more victories of more importance than losses such as this. So good luck to you guys. You have a lot to look forward to in not only the success of your football program but also in the growth and enthusiasm of your fans as you work toward a greater success in the playoffs.

I'll tell you what gives. The savants at 5Dimes have now had time to digest my strategic plan and they have seen the responses on this board and reviewed several interviews with your players and coaches so that they can now very clearly see that the impact of my psychological attack is working very effectively. Good luck sleeping tonight. And don't forget to forgo breakfast tomorrow morning because you won't be able to keep it down.

I will. I promise. Just as soon as you tell me what that thing is on your head.

Thanks. I was able to view the predictions.

So said Shakespeare in the Elizabethan era. Brevity has no place on a football message board. "Longwindedness is the soul of banter." iSpider, "Successful Psychological Attacks in FCS," republished from The Place and Purpose of Longwinded Posts in Mounting An Effective Psychological Attack, New York Times, March 2, 2014.

Nothing could be further from the truth (Well, maybe some things) and I am not a mocker. Never have been and I have been around for a while. Never mocked anyone or any team on any message board. My posts are intended to be humorous, but certainly not in a mocking way. And as to protecting myself from ridicule if we lose, you are not even close. Should that occur, I'll be over it in 10 minutes and focusing on basketball. You clearly have misread my messages. I am not mocking, not being condescending, nothing of that nature whatsoever. I am just playfully pulling your chain. So turn on your sense of humor and get onboard. Not my favorite thing to do, but the following is a truthful and serious statement, and I am only going to say it once: I do in point of fact believe that it will be a close game but that we will win. I think that even with our loss of personnel due to injury we have a better team than you this year and that we are very motivated. We remain in contention mainly because of our depth, but also because of our record in games when the chips are on the line. It is an accurate assessment that your competition has not been equal to some others in the playoffs this year. That is pretty much undeniable, but not a big deal. Every team gets that type of schedule every so often. However, you have not distanced yourself from any of your competitors. Further, it has to hurt you that you have been 21 days without a game. By virtue of that fact, your team should be rusty. So there. You have it: the absolute truth with respect to my opinion about this game. As for your program, I truly respect most everyone in your conference, UND and UNI especially this year, and Montana in most years, despite what the NDSU fans had to say about UND. I recognize that they fear your future development and threat to their heretofore dominance in your state. We have played many of the teams in your conference or in a three-state area of your school over the years. Won some, lost some. Not a big deal either way. So while I hope we win, I will not gloat if we do. And, like I said before, if we lose, I will be one of your biggest fans all the way to Frisco. Is that clear, son? I SAID, IS THAT CLEAR? Now enough of this nonsense. Stop making me pause and take care of the serious, truthful, boring and inconsequential stuff. I need to get back to my bantering. I feel like a fish out of water.

I check 5Dimes every week during the season. Usually, I just check to box "college extras" and all FCS games come up. However, all I can get this week are Divs I &II. Which box do you check to get FCS predictions to come up on 5Dimes? Is there another way to access FCS games there other than the way that I mentioned? How do you do it? Your help will be appreciated. Thanks.

I think someone must have made a run to Costco for your bird. Unless I hear otherwise, I am going to call him Bert. Bert's gestures in that clip resemble mine once I have had a drink or 10.

Not to worry. We are not likely to get close to any goal posts in front of us. They will be to our rear...and not that far away. FG and XP attempts???? Surely you jest.

Which one? Naw, I was just kidding. We should have KJ (Kevin Johnson) just like last week.

So that is what a "Fighting Hawk" looks like? Ummmmm. Not terribly ferocious. Sorry, but he looks a bit unbalanced. Not that there is anything wrong with being unbalanced. Got a bunch of cousins who are unbalanced. Inbreeding would be my guess as to the cause for them. But is a story for another day. The bird is pretty cool. Just not quite what I expected. But I like him. I mean I really like him. I think we could become good friends. Goofy birds like me too. Too much sometimes. I have had to fend them off from time to time throughout my life. Had thoughts of being an ornithologist until I experienced their excessive attraction to me. What do you call him? Alfred? Bert? Clyde? Bubba? Whatever, he seems confused and bedazzled. I think if he were my bird, I would change his diet. Apparently, Spiders do not set well with him. Once I initiate my psychological attack, he will probably no longer be able to fly...or walk, other than as though in a drunken stupor. Not to worry, though. The psychological effects will wear off by Monday or Tuesday and they will have no long term impact. He will recover just fine.

Before you guys lay out any more money for your wagers, you should wait a half hour or so for 5Dimes' calculation of the impact of my strategic plan. Just sayin'

Contrary to what I posted previously with regard to providing you with a summary of my suggested strategic plan, I am short on time and therefore providing a copy of my full memo to Coach Rocco. I am submitting it to him simultaneously. I have not yet been given his approval to proceed, but expect that momentarily. MEMORANDUM Date: Dec 2, 2016 To: Coach Rocco From: iSpider RE: REVISED AND AMENDED STRATEGIC PLAN FOR INEVITABLE LOSS TO UND After a much closer review of the injury lists and other reports, here is how I see the game tomorrow and what I recommend: Sounds like we, much more than they, are beset with injuries resulting in the loss of many of our critical players. We lost two of our first-team all-CAA players to injury in QB Lyle Lauletta and Safety David Jones. Our third all-CAA player is a receiver, and we do not have a QB who can pass to him. Our second string QB was suspended and our third string QB now reportedly has a bug and may not play. The fourth stringer was worse than horrific against W&M. He was 1 for 7 with 2 interceptions. But the miracle is that with his slight frame he did not also suffer a season-ending injury. In that regard, I applaud you in directing him to take a knee on every down after 5 minutes into the third quarter. We have also lost our starting and back-up running backs, both with torn MCLs. Our DL has lost three starters, possibly four. Our OL is missing three starters and we have also lost two off the two-deep. Five of the players we had to run back punts and kickoffs are out with injury. For sure, this will be a war fought in the trenches. But it will not be on a scale of say China vs. Russia; It will be more similar to the magnitude of Uzbekistan vs. Russia, we being Uzbekistan, who, incidentally, does not have a standing military and UND being Russia. That said, as I stated in our phone conversation a few moments ago, I recommend the institution of a massive psychological attack on the UND fanbase, team, and coaches in a final, desperate hope that it will bring the Spiders within the margin of what might be considered a respectable loss. I volunteer to carry out this mission for the compensation we agreed upon. We all know that our only chance of a respectable loss lies in my ability to harass UND to the point that their psychological frustration overwhelms their ability to concentrate and perform. With your permission, I will initiate this attack immediately. It will be carried out on many fronts, the most important being the UND football message board. Inasmuch as I was a drama major in college, and have no prior psychological training, I will need some prep in order to accomplish my goal. Not to worry, however, I am up for the task and will be fully armed once I finish "FCS Football Psychology for Dummies" which was delivered last night from Amazon. I have already completed chapters 1 & 2 so that intermediate measures can begin at once. Coach, rest assured that the onslaught is nigh upon UND. Within hours they will begin to experience the impact of my attack. It will begin slowly, almost imperceptibly. But it will metastasize at a rapid pace. They will not be able to sleep tonight. Saturday morning they will not be able to keep down their breakfast. The fans will gag when attempting to drink their tailgate beverages. I will leave the rest of the effects of my attack to your imagination.

Obviously, they are aware of our QB situation. The line will undoubtedly change again once I release my suggested strategic plan to Coach Rocco. Meanwhile, were I a Fighting Hawks fan, I would be out mortgaging my home to find additional funds to wager.

I guess so. I am a female now, though born as a male. And my hormone treatment regimen had taken full effect. What a sexist presumption on your part. I am so upset by your remark that I may cry. Wait. Wait. Please. Give me a moment. Let me regain my composure. Ok. Better now. So what do you have against transgenders? You don't want to get me started on the Rocco situation. You think my first post was lengthy? BTW, we owned the Delaware teams when Flacco was their QB. Let me just say that Delaware would be a step down...even they don't consider such a move as lateral. The only thing they might offer that we do not is an expanded recruiting pool because Delaware is a state school and they have fairly relaxed admission standards when it comes to the admission of athletes whereas we are highly selective small liberal arts college and impose much greater academic requirements on the admission of our athletes. The only other CAA team which imposes the same standards as we do is W&M. While I have always been a proponent of lowering our requirements for athletes, the administration has resisted such a move. Nevertheless, we are a very good program and have been able to attract good athletes, admission standards notwithstanding. Rocco is the second highest paid coach in FCS football. He is treated like royalty. He deserves it, but he is having some issues with our lacrosse program perceiving that they are being treated with more favor than his program even though they are not a revenue sport and draw meager crowds unless we are playing a top 10 team. Truth is, lacrosse is a fairly new program at UR (3 or 4 years old) and the university (one large donor in particular) is committed to making them nationally prominent. I believe that the controversy, in large part, has its roots in a fairly recent announcement that our lacrosse program rather than the football program will be occupying new offices overlooking the football field (also our lacrosse field). The offices are part of a planned addition to our football stadium. Coach Rocco's point is probably well taken. While many are speculating that he will be leaving, I am not among that group. Our AD just sent out an email saying that he was working to do everything in his power to retain Coach Rocco. There are other issues as well, but all are remediable. You are welcome to visit our board for more information.

You can't really go by that game. Our defense played way over their heads. I made a few calls once I read your post and found out that the only reason we did not forfeit is because our coach did not realize that forfeiture was an option. I just got off the phone with him and he said that since they were already there, he thought it would be wise to go ahead with the game because the UR President would realize how ignorant he was of the rules and how he needlessly incurred such travel expenses should we forfeit at this point. I am not sure whether he was serious, but he also pointed out that our QB who started last week had a bug and was questionable as of today. We may have to go with the guy who played at W&M. Check out that video if you want to see his lack of skill. Our starter was injured just before the half. We were up at the half by a TD, but lost by 24 points and did not score a single point in the 2nd half. I think the QB went 1 for 7 with 2 interceptions. Seriously, check out the box score. One thing I hope you have learned about me by now is that I do not exaggerate. embellish or sugarcoat anything about our team. The QB who has the bug and who we were counting on had his first start ever last weekend. He could at least pass the ball, though he is color blind so that understandably hampers his ability to pick out a guy to throw to who is on our team. Should he sufficiently recover, our WRs and TEs will be wearing streamers on their helmets to assist him in identifying them. We have already run this by the NCAA and obtained approval because of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Federal law prohibits prohibiting the use of streamers under these circumstances. BTW, our QB apparently got the bug in Grand Forks? I am loathe to even mention this, but those on the NDSU board insisted that I do. So did any of you guys plant this bug? Nevermind. I retract that question. It is what it is. Whatever. We can deal with it. But just out of curiosity, what kind of bugs are going around this time of year in Grand Forks? Hope no one else gets the bug because we may not have 22 players well enough to play, though in truth it shouldn't be a big issue since because of our recent injuries and this bug, 7 of our players will now playing on both sides of the ball.

Like a very knowledgeable poster on our board stated, anyone with the first name "Bubba" has to be an outstanding coach. That said, Bubba is a southern name. Think shrimp and grits. Bubba Gump (LA). Bubba Watson (GA. He's a golfer. Given first name is Gerry). Bubba Clinton (AK. He played the saxophone and served time in political office in DC). Bubba Crosby (TX. Baseball guy). Bubba Sparxxx (FL. Rapper. White guy). Bubba Facenda (VA. Rockabilly star. "Bubba Ditty" was among his best singles). Many more. All southerners. See List of Bubbas, Wiki. We celebrate National Bubba Day in Richmond. Fact: The Richmond Metro Area (1.3 million) has a population almost twice that of the State of North Dakota (739,500) BTW, I am off today. Because of my background and the loss of several key Richmond players to injuries, I have been asked by Coach Rocco to submit a game plan incorporating non-traditional tactics and an overall strategy. I hope to have the plan completed shortly and will share a summary version with this board so that you can know further what to expect from our team. My favorite Bubba:

First, please tell me what is that strange thing on your head. Is it something required because of the weather in your part of the country? BTW, thanks for visiting our board. We all appreciate your input. Sorry about the intrusion by the NDSU trolls, but such things are beyond our control.

Just trying to stir up some interest in the game. It never occurred to me to look at the Attendance Board. Not really making fun. Not in the least. Mere playful banter. Repartee, if you will. Not to worry, I have seen the NDSU trolls attacking your program on our board. I come playfully, but with a sense of sarcasm intended as humor. The NDSU guys on our board are like a group of Piranha. I am nothing like that. I view my posts as typical playful banter and expect the same in return. Nothing like a good exchange of well-meaning rapier wit by fans of opposing schools to enliven the anticipation of a good football game. It's the aqua vitae of sports message boards. I respect your program and will cheer for you all the way to the NC should you beat us.

Overall: 8 - 11, Conference: 6 - 2 - We came in second in the A10 behind UMass. Spiders Drop Heartbreaker to UMass in semi-finals How was your Fencing Team?

No problem. You guys seem exceptionally excited about this contest. I've counted every bit of 4 posts in the last 2 days on this board. Is there another board where you guys discuss your football games? If so, please provide me with a link so that I can find out what your fans are thinking about the game. If I am mistaken and this is your major football message board, it appears that you think your win this Saturday is a given and are not wasting your time in discussing an obvious fait accompli. I get that. I do. But a few Spiders feel a little differently. Some of them actually believe that there is an outside chance that we could win. Given, our chance of such an upset would be of such a stupendous nature that it would undoubted warrant a special section of ESPN's Sports Center. Nevertheless, such incredible upsets have occurred in other events throughout history. One may have to go back a hundred years or more to find an upset of the same proportion as that of us beating you this Saturday, but upsets of such enormity have occurred throughout history, even though on very rare and in few and far between occasions. We know that any chance of our upsetting you is extremely remote. Every player and coach on our team is painfully aware of the almost certain outcome of the game., i.e., an overwhelming and devastating beatdown by the Fighting Hawks, and we appreciate the extreme prowess and ferocity of your team. In truth, it sort of scares us a tad. We have already lost many of our major football participants to injuries this year and though a loss will end our season, we do not want to walk away with several more. Next thing you know the NCAA will be investigating the standards of our school and coaches because of the inordinate number of injuries and try to discover whether they are based upon the type of player we recruit or the regimen we put them through once on the team. More importantly, however, is the fact that our players are important to us and we are afraid that the thrashing you obviously expect to inflict upon us may result in an extremely large and unaccountable number of additional injuries. But that is not your concern, and we have already addressed the potential of such an occurrence by counseling our players how to handle situations when an imminent hit by one of your bruisers is about to occur. I cannot provide you with the particulars, that would be unethical, but I do not want you to be surprised or appear bewildered when our players ostensibly fall down untouched in their own backfield or when our receivers miss passes perfectly thrown right into their hands. Enough said. You know they will receive pre-game counseling about injuries. Let your imagination take it from there. Yet, as much as a part of me cries out in denial, we remain creatures susceptible to human failings and we all know that hope springs eternal, especially by some on our board, and they continue to engage in discussions and interchanges about the possibility, however remote, of our upending the Fighting Hawks. I know. I know. What a preposterous dream. At times, my reason kicks in and I wholeheartedly agree. How utterly arrogant and disrespectful of us. Like I said, I know. Yet despite this knowledge, from time to time human nature overtakes my reason and the dream appears again. I will admit, as we approach game day, the dream appears with less frequency and intensity. So I should be ok despite the annihilation of our team on Saturday by the Fighting Hawks. But I have strayed off track. To my original point, on our football board, there have been well over 200 posts on ten different but related topics relating to this game in just the last 3 days. In fact, there has been 10 times more discussion about the game on our board between one of your posters and an NDSU troll in the last 2 days than in the last 4 days on this board. You are a public institution of around 15,000 students with a proud football tradition, albeit in large part in Div. II. Still, no small accomplishment. You have a wonderful stadium of which you are rightfully proud. We are a small liberal arts school, privately funded, with an undergraduate student population of less than 3,000. We are also on the road half way across the country. Yet the discussion on our board is not letting up. So I know that something is amiss. I am looking for the inevitable lively discussion which takes place this time of year about an upcoming playoff game. Like I said above, I strongly suspect it may be that I am on the wrong board. If that is the case, would someone please provide me with a link to the message board which is engaged in a discussion regarding the upcoming FCS playoff game between you guys and us Spiders? If so, I will be forever in your debt. Thanks.

You guys seem exceptionally excited about this contest. I've counted every bit of 4 posts in the last 2 days on this board. Is there another board where you guys discuss your football games? If so, please provide me with a link so that I can find out what your fans are thinking about the game. If I am mistaken and this is your major football message board, it appears that you think your win this Saturday is a given and are not wasting your time in discussing an obvious fait accompli. I get that. I do. But a few Spiders feel a little differently. Some of them actually believe that there is an outside chance that we could win. Given, our chance of such an upset would be of such a stupendous nature that it would undoubted warrant a special section of ESPN's Sports Center. Nevertheless, such incredible upsets have occurred in other events throughout history. One may have to go back a hundred years or more to find an upset of the same proportion as that of us beating you this Saturday, but upsets of such enormity have occurred throughout history, even though on very rare and in few and far between occasions. We know that any chance of our upsetting you is extremely remote. Every player and coach on our team is painfully aware of the almost certain outcome of the game., i.e., an overwhelming and devastating beatdown by the Fighting Hawks, and we appreciate the extreme prowess and ferocity of your team. In truth, it sort of scares us a tad. We have already lost many of our major football participants to injuries this year and though a loss will end our season, we do not want to walk away with several more. Next thing you know the NCAA will be investigating the standards of our school and coaches because of the inordinate number of injuries and try to discover whether they are based upon the type of player we recruit or the regimen we put them through once on the team. More importantly, however, is the fact that our players are important to us and we are afraid that the thrashing you obviously expect to inflict upon us may result in an extremely large and unaccountable number of additional injuries. But that is not your concern, and we have already addressed the potential of such an occurrence by counseling our players how to handle situations when an imminent hit by one of your bruisers is about to occur. I cannot provide you with the particulars, that would be unethical, but I do not want you to be surprised or appear bewildered when our players ostensibly fall down untouched in their own backfield or when our receivers miss passes perfectly thrown right into their hands. Enough said. You know they will receive pre-game counseling about injuries. Let your imagination take it from there. Yet, as much as a part of me cries out in denial, we remain creatures susceptible to human failings and we all know that hope springs eternal, especially by some on our board, and they continue to engage in discussions and interchanges about the possibility, however remote, of our upending the Fighting Hawks. I know. I know. What a preposterous dream. At times, my reason kicks in and I wholeheartedly agree. How utterly arrogant and disrespectful of us. Like I said, I know. Yet despite this knowledge, from time to time human nature overtakes my reason and the dream appears again. I will admit, as we approach game day, the dream appears with less frequency and intensity. So I should be ok despite the annihilation of our team on Saturday by the Fighting Hawks. But I have strayed off track. To my original point, on our football board, there have been well over 200 posts on ten different but related topics relating to this game in just the last 3 days. In fact, there has been 10 times more discussion about the game on our board between one of your posters and an NDSU troll in the last 2 days than in the last 4 days on this board. You are a public institution of around 15,000 students with a proud football tradition, albeit in large part in Div. II. Still, no small accomplishment. You have a wonderful stadium of which you are rightfully proud. We are a small liberal arts school, privately funded, with an undergraduate student population of less than 3,000. We are also on the road half way across the country. Yet the discussion on our board is not letting up. So I know that something is amiss. I am looking for the inevitable lively discussion which takes place this time of year about an upcoming playoff game. Like I said above, I strongly suspect it may be that I am on the wrong board. If that is the case, would someone please provide me with a link to the message board which is engaged in a discussion regarding the upcoming FCS playoff game between you guys and us Spiders? If so, I will be forever in your debt. Thanks.

Well, if experience is a factor --

Dratings.com. UND -5. Should be more. Richmond has 15 starters out and is dealing with brand new QB. Scroll down to see FCS predictions.