UNDErmines

I tried that with Ermines, and they didn't listen. And I'm from Colorado. But I'm glad to help you kill the Spirit.

I am acutely aware of that, but apparently it doesn't bother the committee. And it's easily the most marketable remaining name. And Cavalry? They're killing the previous name because it references Native Americans. They're not going to pick a new name that honors people who killed Native Americans. I can't believe that it's still on the list. It shouldn't have made the first cut from a political correctness standpoint. As for Roughriders, if you guys want Roughriders you can have it. You can wear dungarees and accompany your flappers to the game, perhaps even sneaking in some hooch.

Draping yourself in ermine during a cold night game is not a bad thing. You could have had school spirit and a comfortable fan experience.

Your only two reasonable options left are North Stars and Explorers.

You're going to look back in fondness at the Ermine era when this is all over. I may start selling Ermine throwback gear.

Even if they pick a name like "Green Hawks" or "Fighting Green" or "Thunder Hawks"? Those names are essentially an experiment into how bad a name can be before the fans leave from sheer embarrassment.

Hey, Hey, HEY! Don't undermine the Ermine. Support for the Ermine was both broad and deep. While I represented more than one suggestion, I was not even close to the 60 that were submitted by the Ermine Army. I even heard that there were street demonstrations in some cities touting the new UNDermines motto, "Fur Kills".

So some committee members voted against all animal names (except Misspelled Woolly Mammoths) because they heard some people say that "they don't want an animal?" I can see being against an individual animal name because perhaps it doesn't fit the image, but all animal names? Did those ill-informed people consider every animal before making this statement? Did they consider that there are some animals that might be native to the state, fearsome, easy to market, unique, and even covered in beautiful white fur? This process is killing me. I want to go in there and grab those committee members by the scruff of the neck and force them to start using logic.

Here's my list of the remaining names that are acceptable, albeit notably inferior, substitutes for Ermines. They are presented in descending order of quality. These names are unacceptable for a variety of reasons. They are presented in no particular order because they're all terrible. These names are so gawdawfully stupid and nonsensical that the person who voted for them should be struck about the head and shoulders with a large tree branch. They are presented in no particular order because anyone who reads them deserves whatever they get.

I can envision a great logo for that.

This is where they messed up. The profit margin on an ermine stole is immense.

The only name on that list worth considering is "Misspelled Woolly Mammoths".

Is this the latest list? It seems like there's a page missing between G and N. I'm really regretting that I didn't submit "Green Ermine Spirit Hawks".

For the record, my money is on "Fighting Green Force Hawks". If you guys were thinking about it, you should have suggested, "Fighting Simian Ice Ogres Using X-Rays". Then you could have abbreviated it.

How about Screaming ... oh, never mind.

You guys are trying to justify "Charging Nokotas", whatever that is, but I bet you don't realize that it's being pushed behind the scenes by Master Card. Your logo is going to be a horse standing at the checkout stand of Wal-Mart.

Would you rather have an ermine (mustelid) or a flickertail (rodent)?

Can I still talk about them on the Washington Redskins board?

Yeah, even better.

Actually, it was that very kernal of thought that started the whole Ermine movement. As I mentioned in my suggestion to the clearly overmatched committee, it's not just a great mascot, but it's also delightfully Machiavellian.

By the time this is over, you guys will be begging for "Ermines".

The Redskins still need a new name. I wonder how far south the Ermine's habitat goes.

(Sigh.)

Well, they really should be using the scoring criteria. At this rate, the winner will get about three points when they actually implement it.

I would think that they wouldn't be fond of "cavalry", either. That would be a funny call to hear from the university to the Native American groups. "Hey, tribespeople, we took your name off our uniforms and replaced it with the people we paid to shoot at you. How does that sound?" Where did this list arise from? I'm not seeing a link, so I'm hoping it's just a joke.