PCM

[sprig]

You can probably recognize some of these that characterize our sudo-reporter.

Jeff Foxworthy on South Dakota

If you consider it a sport to gather your

food by drilling through 8 inches of ice and

sitting there all day hoping that the food will

swim by, you might live in South Dakota.

If you have ever refused to buy something

because it's "too Spendy", you

might live in South Dakota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from

November through March, you

might live in South Dakota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance,

and they don't work there,

You might live in South Dakota.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving

around the middle of his

forehead, you might live in South Dakota.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the

same time, you might live in

South Dakota.

If your town has an equal number of bars and

churches, you might live in South Dakota.

If you think that ketchup is a little too

spicy, you might live in South

Dakota.

"Vacation" means going up north past Pierre

for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit deer more

than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the

same day and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow

during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at

social events.

You install security lights on your house and

Garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as beer,

fish, and venison.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your

Girl friend knows how to

use them.

Where men are men and so are the women.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking

lot at Zups Grocery Store at any given time.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to

fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the

potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter,

still winter and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

You consider Minneapolis exotic.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue

of a deer next to your Blue Spruce.

Down South to you means Nebraska.

A brat is something you eat.

You go out to fish fry every Friday.

You find 0 degrees a little chilly.

You actually understand these jokes, and you

forward them to all your South Dakota friends

[.357]

That was a classic post.

Thank goodness none of those characteristics define North Dakotans.

[PCM]

"Vacation" means going up north past Pierre for the weekend.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This means that I've been on vacation for the past 28 years!

[SiouxMD]

Greetings,

I prefer this one.

(posted from above link)

Issued by the North Dakota Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting Californians and Northeastern Urbanites:

1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Kroll's Kitchen. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen, they'll kick your ass.

2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Minnewauken, Rolla, Gackle, Osnabrock, Cando, Walhalla, Zap, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.

3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Up here it's called pop. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass.

5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to to make a living up here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.

6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass cows and our turtles made out of car parts. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. When you're in Jamestown, don't point at the genitalia on the giant buffalo or we'll kick your ass.

7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass.

8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your ass.

9) Don't try to fake a NoDak accent. We don't have an accent. Do NOT mention the movie "Fargo" as that will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked.

10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and LA, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Northwest Airlines is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

11)Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We don't care. If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when it's 10 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in New York Harbor. Also, don't hog the heater in the fish house or we'll kick your ass.

12) Don't complain that North Dakota is flat and that there aren't enough trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way back to Cleveland.

13) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little grey-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the prairie? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass.

15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass.

Enjoy your visit in the Peace Garden State!